thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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