it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
