Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
