Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
