I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
