Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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