I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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