Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
