I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
