Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
