I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
