I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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