3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
