if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
