someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
