yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
