They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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