Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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