He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize