she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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