considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i came on her dog
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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