Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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