whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
