I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
