He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
