so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
