I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
