I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
