MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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