The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
