it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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