You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
