i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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