So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
