absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
