i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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