she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
