If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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