the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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