I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
