I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
