So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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