He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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