i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
