we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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