i just wanna soil my oats bro
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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