I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
