Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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