just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
