you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
