Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
