no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
