There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
