Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
