I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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