i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
