she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
