i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
