He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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