my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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