Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
