Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
