why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
