More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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