you have to choose: penises or morals?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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