Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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