Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
