there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
