This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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