Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
