I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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